5 Reasons It Would Suck To Live In Bikini Bottom

There have been numerous conspiracy theories that Spongebob Squarepants, the popular Nickelodeon show featuring a carefree yellow sponge and other strange creatures, is set in the area of Bikini Atoll, a nuclear testing site.  In case you didn't know, the city that Spongebob lives in is called Bikini Bottom, coincidence?  Well, not likely.  Considering there would be some kind of genetic mutations among the sea creatures living under Bikini Atoll, the fact that they can talk and produce physically impossible offspring (referring to Mr. Krabs having a whale, Pearl, as a daughter) makes some sense.

One of life's greatest mysteries.

With all of this in mind, naturally this would be a place nobody would want to live, right?  How about we take a look at why it would suck to live underneath the sea in a nuclear testing area.

5. Everything explodes

For those who have seen the show, you would realize that everything blows up, literally.  When a person falls off of a cliff or an item is dropped on the ground, it explodes.  This reflects the history of the city, again, being located in a nuclear testing area.  How much would it suck to drop a box on the floor and have it blow up?

"You dumbass."

Even worse, how would you like to trip and blow up?  Life cannot be fun this way.  Everyone is dying and having all their belongings lost in explosions.

4. Everybody looks the same

In just about every episode there are fish in the background called, "Anchovies."  These people, well, fish all look and talk exactly the same.  In the first episode, the Krusty Krab is overrun by these things, so they make up a great deal of the population, but they also have little variation in skin color and all they say is, "Meep."  Even when Spongebob takes Pearl to the prom, the male companions are all the same, boring anchovies.

What a stud.

Assuming these take up a small portion of the population, say 25%, that, according to the census conducted by Mrs. Puff, makes 500,000 anchovies.  500,000 clones.  That's terrible when trying to differentiate them from each other, which is pretty impossible.

3. Everything is made of scrap metal

Just by glancing at the city, you will notice that every building looks alike.  Everything is made of scrap metal, similar to that used in bombs, with the exception of Spongebob's pineapple, Squidward's house, and the Krusty Krab.  Just think about that for a second, wouldn't that be the worst kind of material to make a house out of?  Imagine trying to hang pictures or any kind of home renovations.

2. The jail is surrounded by a wooden fence

The jail in Bikini Bottom is pretty much a metal box with a wooden fence around it, do I need to say more?  Probably not, but I will anyway.  To start, that huge metal ball-and-chain contraption does shit for the jail; it's just a waste money.  And what kind of city trusts a wooden fence to keep criminals from escaping a prison?  I wouldn't even trust that kind of fence to keep in a young child.  Here's a city with a poorly secured prison and where everything blows up, so what's stopping the inmates from escaping and just throwing shit everywhere to blow up?  Oh yeah, the wooden fence.

1. It has a knack for getting destroyed

How many times has Bikini Bottom been completely destroyed?  At least ten times.  After the first time I would pack up and leave.  If you stayed through all ten disasters, that's just retarded.  The genetic mutations must have altered the thinking patterns of the inhabitants to a state of lacking self-preservation.  And on top of that, Spongebob has caused two of the disasters, so why not shoot him or exile him from the city?  Because the genetic mutations have made them idiots.

Bikini Bottom is just the worst place to live.

Got any other reasons Bikini Bottom would suck? Or, reasons it would be awesome? Comment below and let us know!


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