3 Most Awesome Craigslist Missed Connections

Taking a look at Craigslist just the other day, a section caught my eye that I never noticed before: Missed Connections.  I had no idea what to expect when I entered it.  Right from the start, I knew this place was going to be great as I was greeted by a "warning & disclaimer" asking if I am 18 years old and if I know about safe sex.  At this point, I could only assume that it was a section trying to find the mothers and fathers of abandoned babies, most likely started by Maury Povich.  I was wrong and disappointed, but that didn't mean there was no entertainment value in reading these postings.  Some were cute, "Looking for a woman that struck my heart when she let me go ahead of her in line," and some were just rape-like observations, "Saw you jogging in the park while sitting on a bench."

"I saw you jogging in the park as I sat on the park bench
exactly 100 feet from the elementary school."

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I took the liberty of showing you some of the more entertaining posts I found.

If the picture is too small to read, click on it for a bigger image.

3. The shit pants

Let me just start out with this one by saying "shit pants" sounds like a pants shittingly awesome night.  Since this is a reply to another post, the original story is unknown, but the reply is, I hate to use this word, epic.  Obviously sometime in the night a person shit their pants, or had pants made of shit, either way it had to be amazing.  It sounds like the only crime the man in question committed was having a nice night on the town, Grand Theft Auto style, op op op op, Grand Theft Auto style.

"Heeeeeeeey, rapin' ladies!" 

Although, despite the fun he had with the girl and drugs, the ending kind of threw me off.  Abandonment and mortally wounding?  I'm a little confused, did he mortally wound the family and then abandon them or abandon the girl and mortally wound the family?  And what does "mortally wound" mean?  Kill?  Paralyze?  Well, whatever, the pants shitting part sounded like it would be fun.

2. The locker room guys
Here's two I found that were posted a few hours apart in the same city.  They fit so perfectly together that both guys have to be looking for each other.  Warning: These posts get a bit graphic, but hilarious; I'll label them PG-13.

So we got one man checking out another man in the locker room shower at an airport or something like that.  Not that creepy, that is, until I found this one right after...

Now we got two men, both checking each other out, in a locker room full of too many people.  Coincidence?  I think not.  The first post wasn't too bad, just a dude checking out a dude getting naked, it's the second one that crossed the line.  I don't even want to get into specifics, I'll just leave it at that.  Posts like this are the ones that make it necessary to put a warning before entering this place.  You know, for as disturbing as these posts are, I hope they find each other.  A match made in heaven, if heaven was an airport locker room.

"I couldn't help but notice you dropped your pants on the floor.
Pick them up...slowly.  Drop them again, this time take your shirt off."

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1. The puke

This could quite possible be the best breaking and entering story ever.  All I can picture is a guy laying in bed with a bunch of people puking on him.  Who is at fault here?  I am going to blame the guy getting puked on.  First off, his door must have been unlocked or extremely flimsy because a group of people wouldn't go through the trouble of causing extreme damage just to vomit on another person, no matter how hilarious it may be.  And second, who the hell doesn't get up and retaliate when they are getting puked on?  It says nothing about fighting back or struggling, so it can be indirectly assumed that he is into a kinky vomit fetish.

"Wait, you want me to...well...I had hot dogs for lunch.
Oh, you like those? Okay, game on, stud."

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I think the best part of this whole thing is the word choice in line two, "They wouldn't stop puking on me!"  This implies that they puked on him multiple times each and for an extended period of time.  Just awesome.  Also, what is the roommate's problem?  Why would he care if you or a group of people puked on you?  It's not like he has regurgitated food and alcohol on him.

"Maybe the shit pants guy can join you in being disgusting."

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Okay, so maybe I presented Missed Connections in a less-that-ideal way, but, just trust me on this one, it is much scarier when you wander in there yourself.  You have been warned.

Any other creepy Craigslist stories? Comment below and let us know!

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