Life's Unsolvable Mysteries

I was sitting at home the other night and started thinking about life's mysteries; there are so many things in this world that go unanswered. Here's a few that I pondered...

If you had feces on any part of your body, besides the obvious area, would you be content with just wiping it off with a piece of paper? Probably not. When we have fecal matter touch any part of our body, we flip out and scrub our skin raw. Then why are we comfortable with using small pieces of paper between the cheeks? I feel that since our "private parts" are covered up, we just neglect hygiene.

"I just don't use toilet paper!"
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Quite Possibly The Greatest Movie Idea In The History Of Movie Ideas

"Its basically two movies in one. On the surface it would appear to be an entirely different genre of movie. maybe a romantic comedy or something. it has to be something you would never expect. That portion of the movie has to be well done and well written possibly even legitimately funny. It has to be something you might actually sit through. At the very end though everything suddenly changes. seemingly out of nowhere maybe one of the characters murders the other or some sort of monster suddenly kills off the protagonist. maybe they get rescued by a character you havent seen before, maybe that hero then dies a gruesome death and reveals some sort of seemingly meaningless gibberish with his final breath. Either way its confusing as hell and you feel like you must have missed something REALLY important. so you go back and watch it again...

"Wait...I thought this was a romantic comedy until Sam got shot in the face."
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The Sexual Perversions of Jesus Christ

Jesus was a holy mess of sexual energy, it's easy to see if you read between the lines of the Bible and his life. The J-man was into some pretty kinky shit back in the day, and I can prove it.

Phallus-Shaped Foods and Wine
Jesus claimed that the bread was his body, and that we should eat it. Shortly after, however, he followed with the wine, lots and lots of wine. Putting together the dick-shaped bread and wine, it just seems a little suggestive is all I'm saying.

"You know how many foods are shaped like dicks?! The best kinds!"

If Mr. Rogers Was The Face Of America

Right now the entire world views America as the Guido country that gets drunk at Jersey Shore and loves to join wars, all while eating McDonald's and drinking mayonnaise shakes. That's not entirely true, well, it's actually pretty spot on. But why do they have that view of us? 

"Welcome to America."
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It all stems from how we conduct ourselves and what we choose to show other nations. They see the shows Jersey Shore and Sex and the City and think we're a bunch of sex-crazed tan assholes. What if we changed what shows we sent overseas? Replace Rock of Love with the show Mr. Roger's Neighborhood and watch the respect for our country skyrocket.

I can see why this would be offensive in some countries.

Amanda Bynes vs. Britney Spears: The Meltdown

Recently (over the past few days), Amanda Bynes has been posting topless pictures of herself on Twitter. The celebrity community, as well as our regular lower-level human communities are all concerned for her mental health. In a lot of ways, there are similarities with Britney Spears' meltdown, so come with me on this journey as we trace the path to this circus...get it?

Declining Career
Everyone knows Amanda Bynes' acting career has realistically been dead since 2010. Around the time of Britney Spears' meltdown, her career was also declining due to her legal pressures, being a single mom, and ultimate remorse for having any involvement with K-Fed.

"I have boobs, what else do you need? Talent?"

What College Has Taught Me

College is a place where you drop thousands and thousands of dollars for a piece of paper that is supposed to get you more money and better jobs. What they don't tell you is that it's a place to hone your creativity in ways you have never even imagined. I have a BS in Psychology, which means I spent a lot of money to graduate with no job prospects.

To alleviate my boredom of the BS psychology classes, I started drawing pictures. A lot of pictures. By the end of class I could have entire pages of comics and designs and anything that wasn't words. Some things were awesome as hell, but most were just imagination diarrhea spilled on paper. Here's a chronicle of what I learned in school.

Puns

When sitting in classes that bore the hell out of you, you pretty much start thinking about everything that isn't school. One day I came up with a bunch of puns. Why? Because it wasn't psychology. I wrote a few good ones down and added some pictures to accompany them, but sadly left them in the notebooks, which are now in the garbage, of course. But I assure you, Darth Vader in an "Elevader" was quite funny, as was, not quite a pun, Darth Vader saying his favorite album is Dark Side of the Moon. Once again, I'm sorry to inform you that these works of art are in the trash.

This combines puns, offensiveness, and a Nickelodeon character. That takes skill.

The Best Drunk Girl Pictures

While looking through pictures for a post, I came across a large amount of hilarious drunk girl pictures. Some of them were just too funny to pass up, so without further adieu, enjoy.

You can tell by her face that this isn't the first time this has happened.