The Greatest Invention

Take a second to ponder this; what is the greatest invention ever?  Electronics?  Medicine?  Plumbing?  Engines?  Those are all stereotypical answers that everybody comes up with, but they are also all dead wrong.

Unfortunately it's not this.
Unfortunately it's not this.
Unfortunately it's not this.

The greatest invention in the history of the world is in your very room; it's found in homes, schools, offices, hospitals, and everywhere else on Earth.  The concept has been around since we started classifying people as "homos" and it has finally been perfected in the modern world.


I'll give you three guesses before I tell you that you're wrong.  Just yell the answers right now and I will let you know if you're right.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Really?  You couldn't guess it from all the clues I dropped?  Well, I didn't drop many clues because I didn't want you to guess it right.  I needed to stall so the picture would be hidden and when you scroll down you would see the epic reveal.  Here it is...

I can hear the sighs of a million disappointed people.

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Yes, this is a comedy blog and you expected something funny like condoms, but think about this for a second and look around the room and count how many chairs are in there, unless you're in an Asian house...because they don't use chairs...because they sit on the floor...it's not racist if it's true...that was pretty racist...sorry.  I have six chairs.  Six!  What are you on while eating?  A chair.  What are you on while at your computer?  A chair.  What are you on at work?  A chair.  What are you on at a rave?  Ecstasy.

Back in the days of B.C. (Before Chairs), people would squat when they needed a break from standing, which was not entirely practical since squatting is undoubtedly harder than standing.  It took a great mind to finally stand up from squatting position and say, "I'm sick of this squatting nonsense, I want to position myself on something so I do not have to stand erect.  I will raise a rock to knee height and situate my body on it.  I shall call it situating.  Better yet, I will shorten it to sitting."  This man started a revolution that slowly transformed humans into beings with significantly weaker legs and significantly more body fat, but, on the contrary, significantly more comfortable.

"La-Z-Yeah Boy!"

Here's a quick lesson on chairs as quoted from Wikipedia; it's actually quite poetic.

A chair without a back or arm rests is a stool, or when raised up, a bar stool.
A chair with arms is an armchair and with folding action and inclining footrest, a recliner.
A permanently fixed chair in a train or theater is a seat or, in an airplane, airline seat; when riding, it is a saddle and bicycle saddle, and for an automobile, a car seat or infant car seat.
With wheels it is a wheelchair and when hung from above, a swing.
A chair for more than one person is a couch, sofa, settee, or "loveseat"; or a bench.
A separate footrest for a chair is known as an ottoman, hassock or pouffe.

"That's a mighty fine hasscock, I mean, hassock. Damn Freud."

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Now that all the kinds of chairs have been defined, we can look at how chairs have transcended comfort and entered the world of photography.  The way a model positions themselves on a chair and what kind of chair used affects the whole mood conveyed through the photo, like in these two chair photographs, for example:

"What the shit is on the ceiling?"

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It doesn't matter what I say in this description.

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In the first picture you have classic, worn chair reminiscent of a simpler time, whose age and country look are complemented by the baby's denim overalls.  The second picture has a model wearing a black halter-top with a flower and a matching, also flowered, bottom, which are topped off with authentic stiletto cowboy boots.  Oh, there's a wooden chair too, like any guys noticed that anyways.

"Actually, it's finely aged about 25 years, native to North America, with a
delicately rounded figure. The chair? Made of wood and probably
found at a garage sale."

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There it is ladies and gentlemen, the greatest invention in the history of forever.

I can't believe I wrote an entire post about chairs, but I also can't believe you read an entire post about chairs.