Elderly Woman Claims Singers Are Too Sexy

In Austin, Texas, an elderly woman, Beatrice Talbut, sits at her television in disgust; "It's all boobs, butt, and sex," she says.  Recently, she watched the Superbowl with Beyonce performing during the half-time show, but only for a short period of time.  She claims that, "I always expect them to strip down and start making whoopee on the television, just disgusting."  This brings up the question; are singers and models dressing too sexy?


It's not a new concept or any surprise that sex sells.  You wanna sell a car?  Put a naked model on it.  You wanna sell a coffee machine?  Brew naked models.  Just put a naked, or nearly naked, model on anything and it will sell.  As Talbut says, "I saw a model get naked just for a pencil!  I almost tossed my salad!"  Yes, Beatrice, I'm sure you almost tossed your own salad.

She claims it all started with that "Marilyn Moro girl and now it's just getting worse!  Why can't everybody dress like that nice Barbara Walters?"  We asked Mrs. Talbut how to solve this sexy crisis, her solution was just phenomenal.  "Mom jeans."  Her solution to sexy models is mom jeans.  "Just make those slut singers wear those and they will look sexy, but in a family-friendly way."  Okay, we are going to call total bullshit on that one.  No possible singer can look good in mom jeans.

Just a rough sketch of what she would look like.

Okay, well, she is still sexy in those.

As you can see from our fantastically photoshopped pictures, mom jeans do not flatter a woman's body, except for Katy Perry, so Talbut was right.  Her next idea, yes there's more, was making models wear cardigans.  This is just plain ridiculous.  How would there be a Victoria's Secret Fashion Show if all of the models are wearing mom jeans and cardigans?  There would be none.  Talbut's ideas are just terrible, just terrible.

Yeah, you tell 'em Charles.

Fark

Needless to say, but I'll say it anyways, Talbut's pleads for change were laughed off and were never taken seriously because they were just stupidly ridiculous.  Sexyness is a key component in our daily lives, there's no denying it.  You know what, Beatrice?  Get used to it because it ain't changing.

Elmo loves the sexy revolution.