Becoming An 80 Year-Old Woman

We are ever-changing, whether we like it or not. Even if you're unaware of it, for better or for worse, the likes, dislikes, beliefs and values of your very person are changing right under your nose. Many of these changes you experience are slow, often going unnoticed until the transformations are complete, but they are modifications to your character that you eventually must embrace...

For instance, I've considered myself a pretty normal guy the majority of my life so far, which is probably debatable by some. But until recently, I've noticed a direction my life has taken, a track no normal 22 year-old man should be on, but one that is now inevitable…It's official, I’m becoming an 80 year-old woman.

Phase 1: Glasses

Since I was a young lad, I've always had to wear glasses. Fittingly so, when you're a little kid, wearing glasses is a simple solution. Can you imagine trying to put in contacts when you're five years old? I wouldn't have eyes anymore, seriously.

But as you get older, you start to realize that glasses suck. Not only are they very noticeable, but they get bent, broken, and typically knock you down a few points on the attractiveness scale. 

"Well hello there, ladies."

Stock Free Images

Despite all these negative attributes, contacts are simply out of the question. I still can't imagine touching my eyes as a grown adult, and eventually you reach a certain age where your glasses are a part of you, your appearance and the very boring character you've become.

Phase 2: Radio

Somehow over the past year, I've gone from an indie-loving music snob to someone who chooses to listen to 1940's-era music in his free time. How the change occurred is beyond me. All I know is that I no longer find a comparable enjoyment in the FM stations of Pop, Rock or Country, but ride the grooves and croons of the forgotten AM stations along with their elderly listeners who have surely forgotten everything else...

What's worse is sometimes I find myself listening to the story programs that were aired in those past era's. Did anyone even like them back then?!

"I can't wait until they invent the TV, this blows."

Phase 3: Shopping

My purchases are another area I've seen drastically change. The skate shops and electronic stores of my once age-related interests have been replaced by thrift shops and antique stores I only ever see old people browsing through. 

I now live on my own, and at these stores I sometimes look for items to furnish my apartment. A little part of me dies every time I find nifty jars and kitchenware I'm too embarrassed to buy.

"Must...resist..."

Stock Free Images

Phase 4: Acceptance
So you're changing, maybe not into an 80 year-old woman, but change is always taking place. You can't help it, and although you can fight it and try to change it, if you're on a certain course, chances are you'll be drawn there at some point. The only thing you can do is try to embrace it as much as possible. After all, that's how you learn more about life, form relationships with people who have similar interests and find your place in this crazy world.

And I realize some of you may be saying, "Just because you like glasses, music from the 1940's and antiques, doesn't mean you're becoming an old woman." I would say you're right and we could chalk it up to a few weird interests, but I'm also friends with a lot of girls who knit in their free time. You do the math...

Sadly, I don't knit yet, but when I do...boobies.