Military Loses New Technology

A new press release from the army has created a buzz around the community of people who actually care about press releases concerning some of their new technological advances. They unveiled some of their recent prototypes to aid them in the war against terror, drugs, North Korea, gays, social change and Republicans.

"Here's a scaled-down model of what's to come."
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Sergeant Hammerfoe was quoted as saying, "These could be the most incredible things we've ever made. I'm giddy as a schoolgirl just thinking about them." Among the new technology he is "giddy as a schoolgirl" about include: new assault rifles, now featuring auto-aim; combat boots 2.0, complete with leather shoelaces and waterproof technology; helmets with extra-thick chinstraps; and, what they are most excited about, Superflage.

"Our new Superflage will make soldiers nearly invisible," said Hammerfoe, "Which is totally going to scare the shit out of our enemies when they finally see us." In their trial runs, soldiers in the Superflage tried passing security cameras and scaring children. Both were huge successes. The problem with the new Superflage? They lost it. It did its job so well that they lost the Goddamn stuff.

Their first test run was a monumental success.
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Scientist and Superflage specialist Gordon Humphrey said that, "We just dropped it and it, well, fucking disappeared. Even worse is that we wrapped the blueprints in Superflage to keep our enemies from mimicking us."

"When Johnson dropped it we were all dumbfounded. We lost the greatest camouflage ever made."

The military has scientists working around the clock searching the warehouse for the missing items, but sources say that it may be gone forever.

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