Due to the overwhelming positive response to my last Things Your Server whatever article and What Your Server Won't Tell You, I figured I would write another. I could write these for days and days because there are thousands of annoyances that build up in servers that they wish they could scream at their customers, but they can't, so, for now, you're stuck with what is posted on the internet. Here we go...
12. Talk about special requests with your server
Do you want to surprise someone at your table with a birthday song and some cake? Awesome, just don't talk to another server other than your own about it, they don't care and won't ask questions if your directions aren't clear. Now your server is oblivious to what is happening at the table and will look like a jerk when they don't sing a special birthday song.
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| "They forgot to sing 'Happy Birthday.' Isn't that why we came here?" This actually happened to me...
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Even if they aren't special requests, but simply a refill or another sauce, wait until we come to your table. Asking another server for anything is like asking the person at the next table for it. You won't get it. By the time the server you asked gets to the kitchen, there's a ton of other things on their mind that have to do with their tables and their tips, so why bother getting what somebody who isn't paying them wants?
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| "More soda? Sure, let me deliver this, take an order, chat with a friend and forget to tell your server."
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If you know the manager, a cook, or another server and alert me about it and act like you're proud of it, just know that we don't care. We know them too and are we bragging? Are we supposed to act surprised?
Hey, I know your manager!
No way! Me too! Do you know how big of an ass he is here?
Being friends with anybody else that's not your server won't get you anything extra, so you don't really need to tell us.
10. Remember preschool lessons
What are the two "magic" phrases that we all learned when we were little? "Please" and "Thank You." Saying these shows respect and gratitude for both parties. Only uncivilized individuals forget to say these simple words. If you can't say them, leave or go back to kindergarten.
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| "Me cago en la leche" |
If you go to a chain restaurant in Florida and ask for Alaskan crab or something like that and they say, "Sorry, but we don't have that here." Do not complain about how they have it in Alaska and that it's a chain restaurant so everything should be the same. You are mistaken. Speaking from experience when a customer got pissed at me when we didn't have salmon and their restaurant in Florida did, do not make an ass of yourself and argue with me. Arguing will not bring you salmon, or a happy staff.
In addition to the salmon example, here's one that I remember quite vividly and can quote damn near verbatim. A short background is that the lady wanted honey with her chicken tenders.
Can I get you anything else right away?
Yes, could I get some honey?
*I go in the back and check if we have honey*
Sorry, but we do not have any honey. Do you have a second choice of sauce?
Yeah, honey.
Well, we don't have any. Can I get you anything else?
Honey.
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| "i wnt mi huney" This is exactly what she looked like, also correct is the grammar of her e-mail.
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8. Don't complain after eating the whole meal
Have a complaint about your meal? Tell us right away; I can guarantee that we will fix it for you or get you something else. Do not wait until you are done with your effing meal to say something because we aren't going to do shit about it. Oh, did you want some money taken off of your bill for eating an overcooked steak? Yeah, not happening. You ate the food, you pay for it. We might apologize, probably not, but that's as much as you are going to get out of us.
7. Don't ignore us
Hi! How are you folks doing today?
*Silence*
Oookay, well, my name is...
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| "Who does zis imbecile think he is? Talking vis us?"
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6. Help clear a cluttered table
If we are bringing armfuls of plates to your table, be considerate and move your belongings out of the way. It's a pretty safe bet that you don't want a scalding hot plate set on your phone and documents, so, you know, move them. It makes our job easier and keeps your items safer.
Pretty much every customer thinks they can do our job better than us, but, in reality, they don't know dick about serving or anything that has to do with food service.
I think it'd be easiest if you went around the table this way.
I think you should shut your mouth and let me do my job the way I know will work best.
If you have a more efficient method, feel free to take the order and carry the food for me.
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| "By my calculations, it would be faster if you took orders counter-clockwise." Shut up, jerk.
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Menus can be obnoxiously big, we understand that and totally agree, so we know that it may take awhile to read through the whole thing and decide on what to order. But when we come over and ask if you are ready to order, please answer honestly.
Is everyone ready to order?
Yeah, we're all set.
Okay, I'll start with you, sir.
Oh, let me find it in here...start over there.
Okay, what can I get for you, ma'am?
Well, I don't know...
Should I come back?
No, no, no. We're ready.
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| "What do you want? It doesn't matter what you want! I'll order your food you roody-poo jabroni!" |
3. Don't stand in a work area
By simply observing a restaurant for 30 seconds, you can see the high-traffic areas for servers, like kitchen doors and certain areas of the bar. Now, using said observations, would it make sense to not stand in those areas? I think so. It is actually quite frustrating when we have to go up to someone and say, "Excuse me, but could you move over? We are trying to work here." It may be accidental, yes, but please try to be aware of your surroundings.
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| "Well, son, this tree is right in our path. I guess we're screwed." "Oh, similar to a customer in the path of a worker?" "Precisely. You are one perceptive boy."
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This one really grinds our gears. Gift cards are great, that is not a joke, and we don't mind if you use them. What does bother us is when you tip on the total bill after the gift card. Example:
$100 bill = 15% tip of $15
- $50 gift card
$50 bill = 15% tip of $7.50
It makes no sense at all to tip us $7.50. Please, tip on the original total.
1. Compliments are nice, money is better
We love hearing compliments, it's a great feeling. It shows that you genuinely appreciate what we do and you are grateful we helped you. Compliments don't pay the bills, though. I hate to sound cynical, but we need money with your compliment.
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| "If you have ever seen my pseudo-doctor show, you would realize that words are more beneficial to a healthy life than money."
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Servers, have any suggestions? Customers, have any rebuttals? Comment below and let us know!
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One thing that bugs me about myself, is tipping people more than what I really feel their efforts were worth. But that's me.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel about tipping on poor service, but I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a poor tip too, so I usually tip decently well.
DeleteI always tip cause that's part of that person's paycheck we're talking about. If they get paid like $2 an hour and only get $10 in tips for 4 hour shift then they are making a pittance, less than min wage. But I do tip extra if I think the server did a really spectacular job, and I can't even afford it.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if this is just where I work, but if we don't make minimum wage by the end of the night, they up our paycheck so we reach it, but that rarely happens.
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