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| Exhibit A: The Man |
Facial Hair
The ability to grow facial hair is one of the most dominant traits of manliness. Whether it's sideburns, a beard or a thin goatee, if you can grow it, don't be afraid to show your grizzly side.
Warning: Moustaches are strictly prohibited since they are more likely to give the impression of a molester.
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| "Come on Timmy, all your friends have done it..." |
Knowing Stuff About
Cars
Whether you know how to change the oil in your car or completely rebuild a Hemi 265 (I have no idea what that is), knowing stuff about vehicles is an important factor in your manliness. Not only is it useful knowledge, but being a mechanic, even an amateur one, is an expected trait of the male gender and can turn the hilliest of billies into prince charming in mere seconds.
If your most advanced automobile knowledge is changing a windshield wiper, you have a long way to go (yep, I'm guilty).
Whether you know how to change the oil in your car or completely rebuild a Hemi 265 (I have no idea what that is), knowing stuff about vehicles is an important factor in your manliness. Not only is it useful knowledge, but being a mechanic, even an amateur one, is an expected trait of the male gender and can turn the hilliest of billies into prince charming in mere seconds.
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| "Just a loose carburetor, nothing I couldn't handle! Now would you like to come back to my place? Me and my cousin Zed are digging a new shitter hole." |
Mr. Handyman
In addition to cars, men are also expected to be able to fix pretty much anything around a house. Cultural aspects identify plumbing, carpentry and electrical skills as somehow born and bred into every man. Reality check: They aren't, they take lots of practice to become truly proficient. The majority of men can fake enough to get by though, which is a skill that is essential in order to sell your manly appeal.
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| "Hehe, being a constructioner is fun! What's this thing for anyways?" |
You know when you are a man:
ReplyDeletewhen I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AAA is not an option.
when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers.
when I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. But I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
when one of the appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
when I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole program looking for it...though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator...(applies to engineers mainly).