Saturday, January 5, 2013

Games Made To Cause Fights

 Games are supposed to be fun; supposed to be.  But, some games cause so much turmoil that you would swear they were made to cause fights.  Even though these games serve only that purpose, we still insist on playing them because, "It will be fun," says the sadist.  Whatever, it happens and we are forced to play the games to the end, no matter what the price may be.
"Let's play a game."


Monopoly
For the better part of forever, people have equated money with power and board games are about being the most powerful force possible.  Monopoly takes that exact idea, transfers it into a mini-economy, and expects people to have fun with it.  Sure, it starts out friendly, just two buddies buying properties with fake money that they realize has no value, that is, until all the properties are bought.  Now starts war.  What once was a friendly game has become a ruthless battle to the financial death.
Wipe that smug smile off your mustached face.
The game will usually continue with an equal balance of power for way too long because nobody wants to make the first trade and jeopardize their wealth.  Then it happens, "I'll trade you Boardwalk for $5,000 and all the yellow properties."  This is always the first trade, a dark blue property.  The two dark blue ones right before "Go" are seen as signs of power and wealth.  You can load those babies up with houses and bankrupt the opponents in one turn, but they never land there.  Having your strategy rely on the dark blue properties is financial suicide.  The odds of landing on them are far too small  (5%), while it is much more common to land on all of the other ones (7.5% for other colored properties and 10% for a transportation).

When the properties are gone and a powerhouse player emerges, that fake money turns into real-life gold, which makes deals no longer restrained to the game board.  Just try to stay friends with your opponents when you start selling your video games for $1,000 each.  Monopoly game pieces should really be weapons and artillery, much like the next game...
"Go on, offer that trade again. I dare you.  Don't try to screw me over this time."
Risk
The game of, not only global domination, but black eyes, broken bones, and the loss of all friends.  People should know that this game is going to cause fights, the whole premise is a war.  Like every game, it's all fun when picking cards and deploying troops, but when the cards are gone and the war horn has sounded, it's gloves off.
"Alright boys, let's play Risk. Oh, it's a board game?"
Two-player Risk isn't that strenuous on relationships, it's just a seven-hour battle to the metaphorical death of a plastic army and the opponent's self-esteem.  It's when all four armies come together for battle.  Within the first hour, there will be alliances that can only be broken by death or a single player getting too strong.  You know you have the upper-hand when it becomes a 3v1 game, with you being the lone general.

At the 15th hour, there should be two armies left at war.  Unlike a two-player game being semi-civil, when a four-player game whittles down to two players left, it becomes a no-holds-barred fight of two armies showing no mercy, attempting to impress the two defeated opponents.

Risk always ends the same way; one army controls the entire world, but one country.  The winning player will start fortifying their forces around the single country left, while the opponent does the same.  This standoff will continue for, at least, a solid hour; after all, you have to win in style.  Once the dominant party is tired of the wait, they will attack and annihilate the last country.  Fists will fly and kicks will karate through the air, not metaphoric ones, starting an actual war.
"I may look rough, but I won the board game."
Mario Kart
Mario Kart was invented by Nintendo to be another Mario game that can be bundled with one of their systems to increase sales.  Little did they know, their innocent racing game would become to be one of the most violent video games ever, even though the in-game violence consists of slipping on giant banana peels and throwing the shells of, presumably, murdered turtles.

The basic premise of the game is simple; take lovable Mario characters, put them in carts, misspell "cart," and have them race.  There is a friendly game that can be enjoyed by all ages.  What went wrong?  Power-ups.  Power-ups turned this game into a one of the most violent cartoon game ever, violence coming from the game and between the players.
Take notice of the hatred in their eyes.
Now, the arguing is kept at a manageable level while starting out, but once the leader gets hit with the infamous blue turtle shell, all hell breaks loose.  Objects are thrown, fists start flying, and cursing exits mouths.  Family friendly game?  My ass it is.  There should be a warning, "Not to be played by friends over 16."  Under 16 and family is the only acceptable arrangement to play this game; nobody punches their mom.
Spot on.

2 comments:

  1. And let’s not forget about the Newlywed Game.
    Also Scrabble has to be in the top 5 games that can cause issues.

    ReplyDelete
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