My Ten Minutes As A Life Alert Employee - A Prank Call Gone Wrong

People make prank calls all the time, which makes me feel left out because I've never made one, that is, until now.  I decided I would try a little prank by calling a random number from the phone book; a harmless act, right?  It turned out that my phone call went awry very quickly.  Here is the transcription.

"Is your refrigerator running?"

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5 Steps To Writing A Hit Pop Song

The basic premise of music is to shut off your brain from thinking and let mindless, sweet sounds fill your head with pleasure.  Back when music was made with instruments and had smart lyrics, it required thinking.  Instruments played complex song structures and lyrics required interpretation.  Let’s face it, today’s pop music is strides better than the oldies, or even music made ten years ago.  It is catchier, more musical, bursting with artistic creativity, and easy to write.  How easy to write?  Here is a step-by-step guide on how to write a pop song.    

Before you start, you need the right look.

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How To Be A Man

While walking past one of the engineers at my work the other day, I was asked to hand him a tool, but in the process he called me "sir." It got me thinking; I’m 22 years old, legally an adult male, but am I really? Do my looks, knowledge or appeal really justify being called "sir?" Am I a man? What makes a man? How does one know that they are a man and in fact do manly things? I hope to divulge this topic so you can decide if you are a man or if you still have a little ways to go.

Exhibit A: The Man

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Best Song Mashups

Here's a quick article.  A song "mashup" is when two songs are taken and, quite basically, mashed together.  There are some songs out there that are just terrible, almost unlistenable at times, but when mashed with another terrible song, it makes a good song.  Yes, I am aware that that is confusing logic and makes absolutely no sense, so just give these songs a listen and you will see what I mean.  Also, a song below features Taylor Swift and she is not terrible, like I may have implied from above and you will understand in a bit.  She is great.

Yes.

A Letter From The Man Who Stole My Dog

I had a dream to write this letter.  It turned out darker than I thought it would.  Oh well...

If you are reading this, well, you found this note.  You're probably wondering why I wrote this message to you, but I bet wondering more about your missing dog.  This note is connected to that.  I am aware of the absence of your dog because I have this power that allows me to detect missing dogs; he probably just ran away, or she ran away, I can't tell the sex with my powers.  You see, dogs are beautiful beasts of nature and deserve to frolic through open fields, not be holed up in a neglectful home with an owner that so carelessly leaves the house key under a fucking rock by the door.  Are you stupid?  A man who has been watching your behaviors for the last two weeks could easily notice that your niece came over one day without a key, looked under said rock, and found one.

The Infuriating Problems With Horror Movies

Horror movies can be great fun to watch (see this article why), but there are some things in every one that just piss us off: By adding some vital flaws to the plot, the movie is able to continue with the ignorant characters staying ignorant and the antagonistic characters growing more antagonisticly.  Someday we may see a movie that doesn’t rely on bullspit character actions to keep the movie interesting, but, for now, we are stuck with movies that will just infuriate us.  Let’s look at the list…  

They never look at the footage they wanted to see
This one is written about films similar to the Paranormal Activity series; the films that utilize hand-held cameras filming paranormal activity during the night.

"What's that thing on the wall...eh, screw it, it's probably nothing."

See It First: Books That Were Better As Movies

It is safe to say that pretty much everyone who reads this post enjoys books and films. As an intelligent species, we find stories to be an essential part of our lives. Although some books and movies hold a universal appeal and are done well both ways (i.e. Harry Potter), they aren't all that way. Some books are better to read first because the movies made from them are either awful or leave out interesting details, but some books just plain suck and it takes a movie to make them into something more entertaining. Here are a few of those books that fell way too short of the movies they were made into. 

The Hobbit
Although the second and third installments to the trilogy have yet to come, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey proves to be the highest grossing December release, and it's no wonder why. The story is captivating, the sights are mesmerizing, and Peter Jackson's ability to bring such a terrible book to life is absolutely astounding. 

Let the journey begin, bitches.

The Perils of Online Dating

If you ask someone what their main goals are in life, the majority of people will say love and happiness or mention some kind of achievement or activity that will correlate to those feelings. What many others will also admit is that finding love and happiness are one in the same, but such a task is easier said than done. 

With our fast-paced world making interaction and socialization much more difficult than it has to be, it is obvious why so many resort to online dating sites these days. But in taking on such an endeavor, one must be truly aware of what lurks in the depths of dating sites and the perils that can result. Heed these following warnings and tips presented in this post, they have been well researched and delivered with varying degrees of truthfulness.

Games Made To Cause Fights

 Games are supposed to be fun; supposed to be.  But, some games cause so much turmoil that you would swear they were made to cause fights.  Even though these games serve only that purpose, we still insist on playing them because, "It will be fun," says the sadist.  Whatever, it happens and we are forced to play the games to the end, no matter what the price may be.

"Let's play a game."

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Movie Sequels That Need To Be Made

Being an avid movie watcher, I noticed something disturbing; all the shitty movies have sequels and none of the good ones do.  Why is this?  I searched for answers, but found nothing.  That led me to believe that Hollywood likes nothing more than torturing us by making us want more decent movies, but not delivering.  I took the liberty of making a few sequels that need to be released.  I can only hope movie producers see these and decide they are good enough for production.

Spoiler Alert: This post will contain numerous spoilers.

The Strangers 2

I failed to make a cool movie poster, so I just added the number "2" and a new tagline.
Sorry.