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| I'm like the Masked Magician, except with food service. |
Every dollar that gets added onto your bill translates to a larger tip and upselling is the easiest way to do this. Whenever possible, we will get your bill higher, even if you don't realize it at the time. Pay attention, clever phrasing will alter your thinking and deceive you into paying extra without knowing you are.
I would like a cheeseburger.
Do you want fries, onion rings, or chili-cheese fries?
See the phrasing there? It sounds like you get a choice of those three as a side, but did I mention onion rings and chili-cheese fries cost extra? Oh, just try to complain about me not clarifying that with you, it says that in small print in the menu. Sorry, it's not my fault you didn't read it.
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| Hamburger-$8, Bun-$1, Bacon-$2, Cheese-$2, Fries-$4, Veggies-$3. Price I told you? $8. |
We will recommend the most expensive things
You want my recommendation on a meal? Okay, how about a New York Strip, topped with shrimp and Parmesan, mushrooms, and onions; a side of loaded mashed potatoes; a Caesar salad; and soup. That is, and will always be, my recommendation. If you agree to it, I just sold you the most expensive thing on the menu. Would you like a perfect margarita with that? If you also agree with that, I just sold you the two most expensive things. Sorry about the big bill, but thanks for the bigger tip.
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| "Don't worry, he said the honey with the red cap was made in Russia and contains tainted vodka. He suggested this $100 bottle of Chardonnay for our safety." |
No matter what meal you ask me about, I will always like it; the exception being a cheap meal.
How is the lemon shrimp?
I'll be honest, I'm not a big fan of shrimp, but the lemon shrimp is delicious.
What I failed to tell you is that I hate shrimp, especially lemon shrimp. I also failed to tell you is that it is very expensive, so I'm going to rave about it. Less expensive items on the menu will get talked down and I will suggest a much higher-priced item.
How's the chicken penne?
It's not bad. I much prefer the lemon shrimp.
People we know get priority seating...and better service
Most people have been in a restaurant on a wait, only to be passed by a couple of people who walk in and get sat immediately; chances are that they are friends of the server. We know when our friends are coming in and will save tables for them, no matter how busy the restaurant. Friends coming at 6:00? That table will be open at 5:30. Sorry strangers, you just aren't as fun as our friends, which is why you will see us sitting at a table talking to them and not you. Family and friends won't get deceived into buying more food because we like them too much to do that to them; we also don't have to since a hefty tip is already coming our way.
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| "We've never waited for a table, even if we don't have friends. People like us for our personalities." |
Nothing sucks more than waiting on a table with a person complaining about everything. If your steak is undercooked, just ask politely to have us cook it a little more and it will get done better and quicker. Cooks play off of how the waiters ask them to recook things and will mimic our emotions; don't forget, cooks usually become emotional and don't take kindly to having their food criticized. Let's look at how a customer's attitude affects their food...
Polite customer
Server: Jerry, this soup is a little cold, could you heat it up for a minute?
Cook: Yeah, give me a second.
Soup comes out nicely warmed up.
Rude customer
Server: Jerry, this annoying guy complained that his soup is too cold.
Cook: Give it here, I'll fix it.
Soup comes out boiling.
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| "This tastes like piss and flies." |
Polite customers
Customer: Excuse me, it's not a big deal, but I think I ordered mashed potatoes instead of fries.
Server: Okay, you can keep the fries and I'll bring out some mashed potatoes.
Customer: Sorry to bother you, I think I said daiquiri instead of margarita by mistake.
Server: How about this, you can keep the daiquiri and I'll bring you a margarita.
Rude customers
Customer: Hey, I ordered mashed potatoes, not fries.
Server: Let me take your plate and I'll get you some mashed potatoes and get rid of these fries.
Customer: This isn't a margarita.
Server: I'll take that and get you a new drink.
It seems that being nice gets you some perks that you would miss out on by being rude, crazy! Who would have thought that being nice actually got you somewhere in life? Oh yeah, we always remember the bad customers and I can guarantee that servers will fight to not take you next time you come in to eat.
Water is the most infuriating thing you can order (even worse if you want a lemon)
Water is for cheap teenagers and old ladies, but, I hate to admit it, I have also been guilty of doing this from time to time. If you do decide on ordering water, just don't order a lemon too; it adds an extra step to your annoying water and the lemons are filthy. Lemons are stocked in a cardboard box in the cooler, brought to the bar, stickers are removed, get cut on a cutting board that has been used all day, and thrown in a dish exposed to the hands of bartenders and servers. You can assume your lemon has been touched, at least, twenty times before making it into your drink. Sound disgusting? Well, that's the harsh reality. Just don't order water or lemons and we will both be happy.
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| "I have no personality and I like making my waiter mad." |
It's girls night and you haven't seen each other in a long time, we understand if you want to sit there and chat, but make it worth our while. Every half hour you sit there, you took a table we could have turned over and got a tip. A general rule we all wish you would follow, if you plan on sitting at our table for extended periods, is to tip on how long you stay, not on the bill. When the bill is $30 and you plan on leaving a $5 tip, you better leave right after dinner. Once you sit at the table for longer than your meal, please start tipping based on your time at the table. Pay attention to the signs of us wanting you out of there: clearing plates, clearing cups, and asking if you are ready to pay the bill.
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| "Like hell you're getting a tip in three hours." |
We did not cook your food, nor did we touch your food. We took it from the kitchen to the table. Do not blame us for something wrong with it. If your steak is done wrong, if your food is cold, if it is too salty, if there is anything at all wrong with it, we had nothing to do with it. Don't take out your frustration on us. If you're so particular about how you want your food cooked, stay home and make it yourself, we don't want to hear it.
That reminds me, tip us on our service and good looks, not the food. Don't give us another reason to be mad at you.
There you go. I just revealed some dark secrets for you to think about next time you are at a restaurant. I feel bad about doing all of this, I really do, but it is something that servers do. If you have me as a server, tip big because I told you this.
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| Stud. |
Servers, got any other secrets to reveal? Customers, got any complaints? Comment below and let us know!
OMG!!! I LOVE YOU ROBBIE!!!You are a great man for writing this... now if only everyone would read this!
ReplyDelete- Coworker at Applebee's