Dissecting 2012: The End Of The World

I am a firm believer that the world is going to end in 2012.  There is plenty of evidence all around us, you just have to know where to look.  Signs of impending doom are the Mayan calendar...the...Mayan calendar...well that's pretty much it.  Just kidding, I'm not one of those survivalist disaster people.  Even so, it still baffles me how people can think the world is going to end, so I decided to do some investigating on the subject and get to the bottom of this.  Is it a hoax or an all to real event that will kill us all?  Spoiler alert: It's a hoax.

They are going to look awfully stupid when the world doesn't end and

they spent their life savings on gas masks and toilet paper.

How the world is going to end

Polar shift
For those of you that don't know, a polar shift is when the Earth's poles, well, shift.  This sets off a series of events that, scientifically speaking, will mess up the world.  There will be floods.  There will be earthquakes.  There will be tsunamis.  There will be cities that spontaneously combust.  There will be volcanoes.  There will be dinosaurs.  Ok, I may have made a couple of those up, but this theory predicts some ridiculous events to happen.  What these people fail to acknowledge is that polar shifts are common occurrences (relative to the age of the Earth), usually happening every 300,000 years.  Even if the poles do shift, the process takes about 10,000 years, which is a hell of a lot longer than the 24 hours of December 21.

The Tyrannosaurus Rex is now believed to be a scavenger because of its short arms.

Cool picture AND informative.

Nuclear war
Before I start, this is the number one theory of the world ending.  This one I'm a bit leery about because it involves humans taking part in doomsday.  I'm not too hip with the theories and my knowledge of these comes from skimming doomsday websites, but I think this one is a bit iffy.  From what I have heard, nuclear weapons are in control of governments and most likely made by them too.  The nuclear war theory then suggests that on December 21, all the world's governments are going to simultaneously say, "You know what? Screw the world, let's just nuke it."

"If you take a look at my chart, you can see we are at about 90% right now, also known as the 'Oh shit, we're at 90%' stage."

Biological disaster
Here's a quote I saw somewhere unreliable, "Plagues have a historical reputation of wiping out entire civilizations, and bioweapons do exist."  Let me just clear up the last part about bioweapons.  This also suggests that every government will say, "Biological warfare with the entire world sounds fun today."  But, the first part actually brings up a good point.

Sales for this book have increased 500%

In history, there have been some pretty nice plagues, especially back when antibiotics and advanced medicinal products didn't exist.  Plagues came at a time when there was no medicine besides cutting open the infected person to let the demons out, which clearly worked out well.  For the most part, we are a little smarter than we were back then.  If a plague was to strike, how long would it take for scientists to find a cure and deploy it?  Probably not kill the entire planet long.

I needed to fit this in somewhere.  This is from a movie you probably never saw that

predicts doomsday will turn us into savages who no longer enjoy clothes.

Alien war
This one is just stupid.  There is no proof that aliens have ever visited this planet (except for the Great Pyramid), so why would they appear on December 21?  To destroy the earth?  How will they know what the date is unless they helped make the calendar?  I don't even feel like taking the time to say why this one is not plausible.  Oh yeah, here's a statistic that is probably made up, "20% of people believe aliens live among us."

I picked a hell of a day to quit drinkin'.

There it is.  I just debunked four doomsday theories that have probably been thought out and researched by the people that escaped from mental institutions.  I proved all of these as not plausible from past experience and about 30 seconds on Wikipedia, which probably ruins my credibility, but I guarantee I'm more credible than the doomsdayer people.  The only conceivable situation that I could see happening is a plague, started by chemical warfare between two conflicting countries, turns people into zombies, which prompts the governments of the world to team up and nuke the Earth to prevent us from all turning into zombies.  When all of the nuclear bombs (a number I assume to be in the millions) hit Earth, there will be such an explosion that will shift the poles and cause such destruction that aliens will notice and join in because they think that is how we live.  My doomsday theory is up for grabs for a movie if anybody wants it.

On second thought, if this is us, just nuke the world